1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
