How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
