Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
