I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
