Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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