the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
