I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
