This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
