ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
