we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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