I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
