TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A+ Viking dick
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