Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
