i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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