Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
