we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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