So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
