Whod you bang
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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