He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
