My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize