you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
