Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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