Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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