we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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