I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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