I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
