My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
