i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
