the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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