You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
