Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
