I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
