hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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