I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
