The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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