Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
