my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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