census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize