he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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