my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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