you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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