u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you win again, gameday.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize