Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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