So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
