Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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