How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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