im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
