My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
