I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
