There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
