so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
