Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
