I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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