Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you had me at cake vodka
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
