The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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