did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
