I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
