Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
