your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
