True but thats because hes a fetus.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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