If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
