I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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