Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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