Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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