Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
