i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
